Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
