I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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