Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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