she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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