Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
