We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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