Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
