Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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