Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
