I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
