Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
