Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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