i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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