Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
