You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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