The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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