Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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