sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
