I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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