I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
