Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
