I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am naked and annoyed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
