just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
