fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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