Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just gift wrapped bread.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
