I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
