You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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