every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My life is pants optional.
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