things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
