I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
