Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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