Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
