it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
