It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
