I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
