Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
