I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
