Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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