remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
