I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
