Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
