Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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