Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
