I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
