I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
