She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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