how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
