so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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