she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's rum buckets o'clock
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
