I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
