that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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