Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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