isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
