I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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